Sunday, October 3, 2010

wow, that's all I can say

I have begun reading a new book called For women only: what you need to know about the inner lives of men, by Shaunti Feldhahn.
All I can say is its incredible. I'm not even done and I'm writing a post about it, that says alot!
The beginning of the book was pretty easy to implement (read the book yourself for the full insight, but essentially: thank your husband for all he does, build him up (not down), and willingly and excitedly partake in sex). Now that third one probably got your attention and I could go on and on and try to give u the insight I gained from the book about why this (and the others) are so important. But, I think Shaunti does it really well (with research to back it up), so read the book to find out all the real life details that make all these things so relevant and important to our men.
We all know men are 'visual' and that seeing u in a sexy outfit makes him want sex, but what I learned from the research she shared was that seeing any woman in a sexy way makes him want sex, and that men truly do want sex all the time, its not just a joke or stereo-type. Learning how the men are wired (which makes them the way they are) gave me huge insight into these things and how I can better my relationship with my spouse. It also brings up another point, if men are so visual, that means all men are seeing you, (not just your husband), so even though I may want to accentuate my better assets for my husband's enjoyment, I don't want to draw attention to them for other men. Especially other men who are married. I don't want to be something that causes anguish in a married man's mind. Just like I don't want my husband to see images or women who might cause him anguish (anguish, meaning that since he is married he does not welcome unpure thoughts of other women into his head, so when they arrive(because the way men are wired--again read the book for a longer explanation---) their arrival in his head causes anguish as he tries to avoid them or forget them. So this being said, it is an eye-opener for me about the choices we make in the way we as women dress ourselves. I have already ventured into this arena a little bit with Dannah Gresh's Secret Keeper Girl info for our children and their dress, but now it makes me see how important it is for adults as well. I'm not saying we all are to dress like nuns, but I'm seeing now by understanding just how difficult it is for men in our culture with all the images they see, that I don't need to add to the problem by wearing a low cut top. I can simply add a tank underneath it to make it more modest (and then when I get in the bedroom with my husband it is for HIS eyes ONLY!) ;0

Anyway, its just a great book and I could go on and on, but really I just recommend that you read it. I'm not done with it yet, so possibly I will be impressed to do another post about what I am learning, but for now I will leave you with this. I hope it peaked your interest, because believe me, its really clarified things for me and corrected misassumptions I had about some of my husband's behaviors. Now seeing where they are rooted from, I can understand his viewpoint and can therefore relate to it instead of fighting it.