Several years ago I sufferred a miscarriage. Honestly, right now I can't even tell you how far along I was. Details like that have faded with time. What hasn't faded though is my memory of two things:
1. How God prepared me and my husband for it.
2. How God used my experience to help someone else.
I'll start with the first one. We were very excited to be expecting again. I had already wrote notes in my journal to the "baby", and we had started to teach our daughter how to hold her baby-doll for when her little brother or sister came along. However, I started having 'thoughts' (or in the church world you could call them visions) about the possibility that the pregnancy wouldn't last. In these 'visions' I had to walk through the aftermath of losing the pregnancy. I tried to get rid of them. I thought maybe the devil was putting bad thoughts in my head and I just needed to close that door and not let fear into my household. But the thing was, I wasn't really afraid. I simply was experiencing these thoughts or visions. And in each one, I would think about how sad I would be if that happened and how I would have to carry on, and what I would do to 'smooth over' the information to my daughter that a new baby wasn't coming. My husband at the same time happened to be having dreams about the pregnancy too. We didn't know this till we discussed it the day the doctor told us, and we then realized, yes, indeed God had been preparing us mentally to handle the news.
Well, he was having dreams too, and they were about the pregnancy. But his dreams were about it going full term, and that I did not survive it. So obviously he was enduring some turmoil because he doesn't know why he is having these dreams either and he certainly doesn't want his wife to die. Well, to jump ahead, I go to the doctor for a check up and the doctor does the thing on my belly and looks on the screen. Now since I already have a child, this is not new to me, so I know the routine, we look at the pictures, he does measurements, we ooh and aah, and everything is sweet and cool and laid back and relaxed. However, this time, I can tell he is not laid back and relaxed. He is intently looking at the screen and re-doing measurements. I know something is wrong. They haven't told me yet. But I know. They do eventually tell me. Yes, of course I cry. Even though I can look back and say God prepared me, when u are in the middle of it u don't feel all that "preparedness". And of course it is our child so I am very sad and heartbroken. I call my husband. Then drive around for a bit. Then call my office and tell them what happened and that I won't be coming back into work that day. I then head to my husband's office and we mourn our loss. We also tell each other about our dreams and visions and we realize that God was preparing us for this. He prepared my husband to realize that this was probably best, because something even worse would happen if the pregnancy continued, so even though he was sad about losing the baby, he knew God's hand was in it, because I was spared.
He prepared me on how to handle the aftermath. That's what all my dreams were about, 'what happens next'. So I simply walked out what God had shown me in those dreams.
The next day, I go back to work and... I work. I guess you could say I handle it with dignity and courage. But you know what? Its just God. He is great and He loves us. And as much as we wanted that child to come to fruition, it didn't . We don't know why, but in heaven we will find out, and also get to meet him/her for the first time. I don't know why but at the time I can't say the word miscarriage. I really don't know why, but when people come up to me (its a large building where I work) and ask about the baby, I simply say I am no longer pregnant. I guess looking back that could sound weird (as if I had had an abortion), but at the time I simply couldn't say I had had a miscarriage. I don't cry at work, I am very congenial and respectful of those who are asking, knowing that my answer is not what they expected and they don't know what to do or say now. I simply go on... and work. I oversaw 3 people at the time, so we all sat in the same office so they were next to me day in and day out. It wasn't like I could go behind closed doors and freak out.
By the way, on a side note, I would like to mention there was one woman who stood out to me in this experience. When asked about the baby and I replied, she KEPT looking me straight in the eye, and said she was sorry to hear that. Very simple. Very true. Very honest. I have to admit, I learned something from HER. I never knew how to handle it when people told me uncomfortable news. My eyes would avert as most people's do, but I knew mine did it a lot, because I was really uncomfortable. I learned from her, that when someone is going through something difficult. You don't have to have the answers, and most likely you don't. But you can listen, and you can look them in the eye and give them your full attention. I respected her reactions more than anything else. Even though they were so simple.
By the way, the miscarriage didn't turn out to be so simple. My body didn't want to let go so for about six months I was dealing with bleeding issues, so the two women who worked with me were aware of this and watched as I dealt with this as well. The doctors and my husband wanted me to do a D&C, but I did not, and never did. God finally finished it (at work one day[lovely!]) and we were then able to move on to try for another baby.
But this leads us to #2. One of the women who worked with me,became pregnant shortly after my 6month ordeal had finally ended. We were all very excited. However, a month or two later, she had a miscarriage. I actually had already 'retired' , so when I heard about it, I called her to offer my condolences and ask if there was anything I could do for her (this was her first pregnancy). She basically said to me: "no, you've already done enough. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think watching you go though what you did, helped me to see that this is going to be alright. The way you handled everything really set an example for me and I can see that God is in control and I will be fine."
I didn't take it the wrong way. In fact, when I had had the miscarriage I thought to myself, "you know, since I had such a easy time getting pregnant the first time and had never sufferred any miscarriages or fertility issues , I felt like I really didn't know how to relate to people who had. It wasn't that I didn't feel for them, I just sort of felt clueless about their ordeal. I could nod my head and listen, but I didn't know what they were feeling. Now that I had gone through something myself, I could now relate and I felt I could be a better friend to lean on."
Her telling me this, just made it more obvious to me that God can use any situation to better His kingdom. She was already a Christian, but she saw God in me in the way I reacted to my situation, so when she went through the same situation she didn't have fear or as many questions. She was at peace and trusting God still. My reaction of keeping God first (and not yelling "why God Why God?! why me?!" or getting mad at God,) helped to show her that God can walk us through even difficult times.
So I share this today to hopefully be a help to others. If you have experienced something similar this may help you. But more than that I think we can learn that it is the way we behave everyday that has the greatest impact on those around us. If we are a shining light for God, then His reflection is seen in what we do. Others can't help but notice it. How can one miss a light shining in the dark? All I can say is praise God! For He is almighty and all-knowing! Whatever troubles you are experiencing in life, know that God is there with you, and He WILL walk you through. Every trial we experience should be used to praise God and show His glory, because we will for sure grow from that experience and will be a better servant of God because of it.
Showing posts with label miscarriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miscarriage. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Only God has all the answers
This post is to try to be a helpful reply to the comments written regarding the last post on "Riches".
First off, as the title proclaims, ONLY God has all the answers. We boggle our minds trying to figure everything out for ourselves, but the truth is, we often waste a lot of time, because only God knows everything, and some day when we are in Heaven and it all becomes clear, we will go "hmmm, that makes perfect sense now God, I totally understand what you were doing and trying to accomplish in my life. Seems odd that I could have been so clueless back then". But truth is, some 'truths' won't be revealed to us until the time is right, so we essentially are 'clueless' until that time. I do know though, that God is in control and even when bad things happen (1. its because sin was let into our world through Adam and Eve's disobedience. and 2. because since sin IS in our world, God sometimes uses these trials to make us stronger.) He will never give us something we can't handle. He is always looking out for us. There are SO many directions to go in this "answer" to try to help you and quite honestly my mind is swirling with avenues to take. But if I wrote on each one right now, I'd be here till bedtime (and its morning now). So to hopefully, just give some food for thought and maybe help get in the right direction I am only going to hit on a couple of points, but I'm sure I can use these other 'avenues' for future posts (so stay tuned).
1. We've hit this briefly already. God is in control. YOU can't always figure everything out and that may just be something you have to learn to take in stride. God does have a plan though and like Ashley added in her comment, we are His stewards. He will only give us what we are capable of handling. Why do you think so many lottery winners wind up in dire straights after winning millions? They weren't ready for it. God knew that, and that's why He hadn't already put resources in their hands to help them become millionaires through Him. He knew they couldn't handle it. They weren't good stewards (yet). {I think everyone has an ability to grow in all areas of our walk with God, and therefore I think everyone has the ability to someday be a good steward of His kingdom if they aren't already}. By building up our stewardship little by little, we are proving faithful in our actions and therefore being blessed with more. Make sure you are being faithful with what God has ALREADY given you before asking for more.
2. When dealing with finances, tithing is the cornerstone. We can't expect to be blessed in our finances if our foundation is cracked. The Bible is very clear "bring all your tithes into the storehouse". The Bible is also very clear that a tithe is 10%. The Bible is clear on this, but some people don't want it to be, so they modify it to fit their plan instead, BUT we are to tithe off our gross, not our net income. Somebody once said if you want to tithe off your net income, then you better plan on getting a net blessing. Wouldn't you rather have a full blessing? To me tithing is black and white and I have lots of posts I can share on this, but two things are most important in tithing. 1. You HAVE to do it with a loving, grateful, honest heart. You CAN'T tithe expecting that return (that is indeed promised in the Bible) you can't put the money in the bucket and be thinking about the "windows of heaven opening and showering you with blessings that can't even fit in your barn/bank account". You HAVE to give your tithe JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE GOD. Not for anything He can do for you. You don't want a friend who only hangs around you because you give them stuff and buy them lunch, right? Well, God doesn't want a son/daughter to hang around just for blessings either, He wants us to want to be with Him, JUST because we LOVE Him. Remember, that's why we were created. For fellowship with Him. He wants communion with us. He could have created robots just to worship Him. He created us with minds of our own so that we would CHOOSE Him. Unfortunately, Adam and Eve made a poor choice long ago, so that perfect world He created for all of us, is now tainted with sin, and yes, Satan does have some power in this world now (because we gave it to him). Which will bring us to my next point, but before I get there I've got to give you the second requirement of tithing... that is that you are obedient in it. You not only do it with the right heart, but you do it the way God told you to do it-10% of all your income (that's gross). Just write that tithe check immediately after you record your income check in your checkbook. That's what I do.
So there is no sense in praying or fasting for finances if we haven't obeyed God in the first place with our tithe. Honestly, when people come to my husband and I for financial guidance, the first thing he says to them is show me your tithes and show me your income. If you aren't doing that right, we are wasting each other's time, because there is nothing "I" can do to help you if you aren't first following God's Word in your finances. You have to get that right between you and God first.
3.The third point comes from that same book I'm reading (God is so good in His timing isn't He?) Its The Three Heavens by Mark Gorman. To summarize some, this book talks about 3 Heavens. Earth and us being in the first heaven. The physical one. The 3rd Heaven is where God is and where you will go when you die-its spiritual. The 2nd heaven is between the 1st and 3rd, it is also spiritual. That is where Satan is. Real briefly, Mark gave an example about prayer and why sometimes its seems like we are praying and not getting results (make sure your foundation is right first though!). He drew it out like this, you pray in the 1st heaven, and your prayer goes to the 3rd heaven. God always HEARS our prayers (the Bible tells us this so I know its true). Its like you reached your arm up to the 3rd Heaven, God put the answer to your prayer in your hand, and now all you have to do is bring your arm and hand back to the 1st heaven to receive your answer. However, satan is in the middle there and he doesn't want you to get your prayer answered. He CANNOT take your answer to prayer out of your hand of faith. He doesn't have the power or authority to do so. But since he can't do that he tries the next best thing, he delays it. He tries all sorts of things to slow down you receiving your answer. That's why sometimes it seems like we pray for something and we don't get our reply. God replied but satan stalled it. Now you say but God is bigger than satan, just kick him out and give me my answer (in due time!) but until then, satan is messing up stuff, just like how he messed with Adam and Eve, and because of this we've got to deal with it (for now), but God isn't letting satan push you beyond your limits, just like He didn't let him push Job beyond his limits. Keep your faith. Keep your foundation rock solid, and continue on in your walk, glorifying God all the way (nothing makes satan madder than God being glorified, so keep it up!)
4.Remember Job. Sometimes it looks like we are doing everything according to God's plan. We are obedient, our heart is right, and yet we still suffer hardships (yes, we know we will grow from them, but "come on God, enough already ", right?) Like I said earlier, in the end this will all be clear, but sometimes, there is no explanation we here on Earth can give and the explanations we do give might be wrong (Job's friends started saying "come on Job, WHAT have you done wrong, you need to repent" and he HADN'T done anything wrong). However, Job survived. And you will too. God NEVER tempts us, but he WILL test us. He won't test you beyond your abilities, and I always say "there must be someone in my future who I will be able to 'minister to' (in church terms, but truth is , just talk to and help through) in this area since I am now experiencing it. For example this happened to me with my miscarriage, maybe some day I'll write details on that, but for now, let's just say, that it became very clear to me shortly afterward what a servant I was of God to have gone through that, JUST to help someone else in their same circumstance. Before that, I completely could not relate to women who had difficulty in getting pregnant (I wasn't rude, I'd nod my head and try to be helpful, but I honestly couldn't relate-my first pregnancy had happened super quickly and I just hadn't experienced that part of life). Afterwards though, I now had experience to relate to them and therefore be helpful to them. And in my case, it wasn't as much as what I said to THEM when they were going through it, as it was HOW I walked when I was going through it. So all this to say, you may be being groomed for something in the future that will allow you to help someone else become stronger in their walk with God. And isn't that the whole point anyway? God wants us all to come to Him, so if we have to bear something that enables us to bring someone to God, don't you think its worth it? I do.
I hope this has helped. Obviously its long (and now I'm late-ha ha-oh well) but hopefully it may open the doors for you (and others reading this) to dig deeper into one of those 'avenues' to try to find YOUR answer that God has for You. Love you! So does He!
First off, as the title proclaims, ONLY God has all the answers. We boggle our minds trying to figure everything out for ourselves, but the truth is, we often waste a lot of time, because only God knows everything, and some day when we are in Heaven and it all becomes clear, we will go "hmmm, that makes perfect sense now God, I totally understand what you were doing and trying to accomplish in my life. Seems odd that I could have been so clueless back then". But truth is, some 'truths' won't be revealed to us until the time is right, so we essentially are 'clueless' until that time. I do know though, that God is in control and even when bad things happen (1. its because sin was let into our world through Adam and Eve's disobedience. and 2. because since sin IS in our world, God sometimes uses these trials to make us stronger.) He will never give us something we can't handle. He is always looking out for us. There are SO many directions to go in this "answer" to try to help you and quite honestly my mind is swirling with avenues to take. But if I wrote on each one right now, I'd be here till bedtime (and its morning now). So to hopefully, just give some food for thought and maybe help get in the right direction I am only going to hit on a couple of points, but I'm sure I can use these other 'avenues' for future posts (so stay tuned).
1. We've hit this briefly already. God is in control. YOU can't always figure everything out and that may just be something you have to learn to take in stride. God does have a plan though and like Ashley added in her comment, we are His stewards. He will only give us what we are capable of handling. Why do you think so many lottery winners wind up in dire straights after winning millions? They weren't ready for it. God knew that, and that's why He hadn't already put resources in their hands to help them become millionaires through Him. He knew they couldn't handle it. They weren't good stewards (yet). {I think everyone has an ability to grow in all areas of our walk with God, and therefore I think everyone has the ability to someday be a good steward of His kingdom if they aren't already}. By building up our stewardship little by little, we are proving faithful in our actions and therefore being blessed with more. Make sure you are being faithful with what God has ALREADY given you before asking for more.
2. When dealing with finances, tithing is the cornerstone. We can't expect to be blessed in our finances if our foundation is cracked. The Bible is very clear "bring all your tithes into the storehouse". The Bible is also very clear that a tithe is 10%. The Bible is clear on this, but some people don't want it to be, so they modify it to fit their plan instead, BUT we are to tithe off our gross, not our net income. Somebody once said if you want to tithe off your net income, then you better plan on getting a net blessing. Wouldn't you rather have a full blessing? To me tithing is black and white and I have lots of posts I can share on this, but two things are most important in tithing. 1. You HAVE to do it with a loving, grateful, honest heart. You CAN'T tithe expecting that return (that is indeed promised in the Bible) you can't put the money in the bucket and be thinking about the "windows of heaven opening and showering you with blessings that can't even fit in your barn/bank account". You HAVE to give your tithe JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE GOD. Not for anything He can do for you. You don't want a friend who only hangs around you because you give them stuff and buy them lunch, right? Well, God doesn't want a son/daughter to hang around just for blessings either, He wants us to want to be with Him, JUST because we LOVE Him. Remember, that's why we were created. For fellowship with Him. He wants communion with us. He could have created robots just to worship Him. He created us with minds of our own so that we would CHOOSE Him. Unfortunately, Adam and Eve made a poor choice long ago, so that perfect world He created for all of us, is now tainted with sin, and yes, Satan does have some power in this world now (because we gave it to him). Which will bring us to my next point, but before I get there I've got to give you the second requirement of tithing... that is that you are obedient in it. You not only do it with the right heart, but you do it the way God told you to do it-10% of all your income (that's gross). Just write that tithe check immediately after you record your income check in your checkbook. That's what I do.
So there is no sense in praying or fasting for finances if we haven't obeyed God in the first place with our tithe. Honestly, when people come to my husband and I for financial guidance, the first thing he says to them is show me your tithes and show me your income. If you aren't doing that right, we are wasting each other's time, because there is nothing "I" can do to help you if you aren't first following God's Word in your finances. You have to get that right between you and God first.
3.The third point comes from that same book I'm reading (God is so good in His timing isn't He?) Its The Three Heavens by Mark Gorman. To summarize some, this book talks about 3 Heavens. Earth and us being in the first heaven. The physical one. The 3rd Heaven is where God is and where you will go when you die-its spiritual. The 2nd heaven is between the 1st and 3rd, it is also spiritual. That is where Satan is. Real briefly, Mark gave an example about prayer and why sometimes its seems like we are praying and not getting results (make sure your foundation is right first though!). He drew it out like this, you pray in the 1st heaven, and your prayer goes to the 3rd heaven. God always HEARS our prayers (the Bible tells us this so I know its true). Its like you reached your arm up to the 3rd Heaven, God put the answer to your prayer in your hand, and now all you have to do is bring your arm and hand back to the 1st heaven to receive your answer. However, satan is in the middle there and he doesn't want you to get your prayer answered. He CANNOT take your answer to prayer out of your hand of faith. He doesn't have the power or authority to do so. But since he can't do that he tries the next best thing, he delays it. He tries all sorts of things to slow down you receiving your answer. That's why sometimes it seems like we pray for something and we don't get our reply. God replied but satan stalled it. Now you say but God is bigger than satan, just kick him out and give me my answer (in due time!) but until then, satan is messing up stuff, just like how he messed with Adam and Eve, and because of this we've got to deal with it (for now), but God isn't letting satan push you beyond your limits, just like He didn't let him push Job beyond his limits. Keep your faith. Keep your foundation rock solid, and continue on in your walk, glorifying God all the way (nothing makes satan madder than God being glorified, so keep it up!)
4.Remember Job. Sometimes it looks like we are doing everything according to God's plan. We are obedient, our heart is right, and yet we still suffer hardships (yes, we know we will grow from them, but "come on God, enough already ", right?) Like I said earlier, in the end this will all be clear, but sometimes, there is no explanation we here on Earth can give and the explanations we do give might be wrong (Job's friends started saying "come on Job, WHAT have you done wrong, you need to repent" and he HADN'T done anything wrong). However, Job survived. And you will too. God NEVER tempts us, but he WILL test us. He won't test you beyond your abilities, and I always say "there must be someone in my future who I will be able to 'minister to' (in church terms, but truth is , just talk to and help through) in this area since I am now experiencing it. For example this happened to me with my miscarriage, maybe some day I'll write details on that, but for now, let's just say, that it became very clear to me shortly afterward what a servant I was of God to have gone through that, JUST to help someone else in their same circumstance. Before that, I completely could not relate to women who had difficulty in getting pregnant (I wasn't rude, I'd nod my head and try to be helpful, but I honestly couldn't relate-my first pregnancy had happened super quickly and I just hadn't experienced that part of life). Afterwards though, I now had experience to relate to them and therefore be helpful to them. And in my case, it wasn't as much as what I said to THEM when they were going through it, as it was HOW I walked when I was going through it. So all this to say, you may be being groomed for something in the future that will allow you to help someone else become stronger in their walk with God. And isn't that the whole point anyway? God wants us all to come to Him, so if we have to bear something that enables us to bring someone to God, don't you think its worth it? I do.
I hope this has helped. Obviously its long (and now I'm late-ha ha-oh well) but hopefully it may open the doors for you (and others reading this) to dig deeper into one of those 'avenues' to try to find YOUR answer that God has for You. Love you! So does He!
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