Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Love your kids with your time

My husband and I were at a marriage session that our church was hosting, and the speaker said one of the reasons you love someone is because of the way they make you feel about yourself. This got me thinking not about my husband, whom I love dearly and I think my actions show him that, thus probably making himself feel well. But it got me thinking about children. You've seen children in movies or real life who are emotionally broken by the actions and words of their parents. You can see the pain in their eyes and face, and it almost feels like you can see it in their heart. They are so young their emotions are worn on their sleeve, they don't know how to hide them yet like us well-trained adults (that was sarcasm by the way). It is so painful to watch and it tears my heart out everytime, even if it is just actors doing it and not real life. Because I know in real life this really does happen. It is so important as parents to make sure that we show love and compassion to our children. I love my kids dearly, but I feel sometimes like I am so consumed with the rules of getting them to behave properly that I don't show them enough love to actually help them behave properly. I just think its really important that we don't take being a parent for granted. We are given an awesome responsibility to shape and mold our children (and those children around us), that we need to make sure we make the time to do that. I don't want them growing up with no memories of me playing with them because I was too busy doing other things. Someone said to me one day 'you'll have many years to decorate your Christmas tree anyway you want' when I had complained that my kids were 'messing it up'. I realized that I need to stop and treasure each and every moment I have with my kids. I can't take one moment for granted. I need to push aside the busywork, or not take on as much, so that I can devote more time to simply being a mom. One who plays with her kids, reads to them (not just at bedtime), makes fun (and messy-yes that is where I struggle most) projects with them, and just goofs off. Instead of always being there to only say "is your room cleaned yet?have you finished eating yet?did u brush your teeth yet? hurry up we are late! no, I won't do that right now I'm busy".
Yes, this is painful to write and possibly painful to read. My point is that I'm not perfect and I know that-although I truly wish to be, at least in the mother and wife categories- so I am making a point of pointing out that loving our children in such a way that they FEEL loved, and they then also FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES, is how we can be assured that they will always LOVE US. Not just because we are family and families always 'love' each other, but because they truly love us because we act in such a way that makes them feel good! Maybe this post only helps me, to get my priorities straight, but if it helps someone else too, then I am glad.

1 comment:

  1. Excellent advice Rene. I've been thinking along these lines as well. I just told Brooklyn this morning that this is going to be my last year of being homeroom mom for her and Grant. She was SOOOOO disappointed, which I expcted. She LOVES me to be homeroom mom...but it's just something that takes too much of my time and I'm so busy planning and "hosting" all the parties...that I don't get to sit down and enjoy it. I absolutely know that if I will simplify my life some, the life I DO HAVE will be so much richer! ESPECIALLY the time I spend with my kids.
    When I left the gym today I was going to walmart to do my shopping. Grant hadn't eaten anything yet (yes...no breakfast!!) so I took him to the MCdonalds inside Walmart for a happy meal. We ended up sitting there for almost the entire time I had (before he had to go to school) just enjoying each other and his happy meal toy. Then we browsed through the store for fun...looking at toys he might want for Christmas and then we left and I took him to school. I didn't get any of my shopping done and now I am going to have to go again sometime today...but...I just couldn't pull away from that precious time together this morning. It was bad enough that he had to go to the gym with me (which he doens't like--but I soothed him with "W. will be there" which made him happier) and then W wasn't there!! ;o) I just needed to have some TIME with him. It felt wonderful. I want more. I'm gonna do it too. I am. I don't care what it takes!
    Thanks for this great post! You are such a terrific example to me! xoxo!